Guide to life
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
Take a spare - You never know
Life isnt like the movies
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
Two wheels good four wheels bad
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
Be nice to sound engineers
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
Why? Why not?!
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
When bouncers grab you, go limp
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
If it sounds right, it is right
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Happy endings are a myth
Gaffa tape is brilliant
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
Choose life - Choose PHP
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
Don't eat silica gel
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
Take a book
Listen first, then play
Measure twice, cut once
New strings make all the difference
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
Trust your instincts
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
Some people can lick their elbows
Bowed harmonics sound weird
Hook your lead through your strap
Phone your mum
Rodeohead is a work of genius
Put your CDs back in their boxes
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
Save the cheerleader - save the world
Aim for the eyestalk!
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
Befriend the bar staff
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
Invest in good quality leads
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
If you don't ask, you don't get
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Just go for it
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
You are not what you wear
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
Don't drink and dial
So many drummers, so little time
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.