Guide to life
Hook your lead through your strap
Aim for the eyestalk!
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
Take a spare - You never know
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
If you don't ask, you don't get
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
Two wheels good four wheels bad
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
Don't eat silica gel
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
Just go for it
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
Rodeohead is a work of genius
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
Invest in good quality leads
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
Some people can lick their elbows
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
Trust your instincts
New strings make all the difference
Save the cheerleader - save the world
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
Befriend the bar staff
Life isnt like the movies
Put your CDs back in their boxes
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
Take a book
So many drummers, so little time
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
Measure twice, cut once
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
Bowed harmonics sound weird
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Be nice to sound engineers
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
Don't drink and dial
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
If it sounds right, it is right
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
Happy endings are a myth
Phone your mum
Why? Why not?!
Gaffa tape is brilliant
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
Listen first, then play
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
When bouncers grab you, go limp
Choose life - Choose PHP
You are not what you wear
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.