Guide to life
Befriend the bar staff
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
Don't drink and dial
You are not what you wear
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
Happy endings are a myth
Invest in good quality leads
Two wheels good four wheels bad
Trust your instincts
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
If it sounds right, it is right
Put your CDs back in their boxes
Phone your mum
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
Just go for it
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
So many drummers, so little time
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
Choose life - Choose PHP
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
Measure twice, cut once
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
Gaffa tape is brilliant
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
Rodeohead is a work of genius
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
Why? Why not?!
Listen first, then play
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
New strings make all the difference
Take a spare - You never know
Hook your lead through your strap
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Bowed harmonics sound weird
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
Don't eat silica gel
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
Aim for the eyestalk!
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
Take a book
Save the cheerleader - save the world
When bouncers grab you, go limp
Be nice to sound engineers
Some people can lick their elbows
Life isnt like the movies
If you don't ask, you don't get
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.