Guide to life

Invest in good quality leads

Get a good drummer. Then listen to them

Why? Why not?!

New strings make all the difference

Take a book

If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them

If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go

A good luthier is worth their weight in gold

Don't eat silica gel

Happy endings are a myth

It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.

Be nice to sound engineers

Take a spare - You never know

Measure twice, cut once

A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever

Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever

Bowed harmonics sound weird

Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount

Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar

You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it

Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.

Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds

Two wheels good four wheels bad

If you can walk you can dance

If you can talk you can sing

Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking

Turn the amps off first, then the desk

Some people can lick their elbows

Rodeohead is a work of genius

Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases

If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them

Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass

Except possibly a Stick

When bouncers grab you, go limp

If it sounds right, it is right

Life isnt like the movies

If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong

Don't drink and dial

Save the cheerleader - save the world

Bad things happen when good people do nothing

So many drummers, so little time

Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass

If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher

Just go for it

Hook your lead through your strap

If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got

Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)

Everything's bigger in the Bass department

You are not what you wear

The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant

Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.

Turn the desk on first, then the amps

If you don't ask, you don't get

Aim for the eyestalk!

When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards

Gaffa tape is brilliant

Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100

The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear

Choose life - Choose PHP

A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful

The Bass. Capital T Capital B

Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G

Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage

Put your CDs back in their boxes

Phone your mum

Listen first, then play

Trust your instincts

If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on

A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume

Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue

If you can't afford it, you can't have it

Befriend the bar staff

There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.