Guide to life
Don't eat silica gel
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
Measure twice, cut once
You are not what you wear
Befriend the bar staff
Why? Why not?!
If it sounds right, it is right
New strings make all the difference
So many drummers, so little time
Put your CDs back in their boxes
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
Take a book
Gaffa tape is brilliant
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
Happy endings are a myth
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
Save the cheerleader - save the world
Two wheels good four wheels bad
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
Be nice to sound engineers
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
Hook your lead through your strap
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
Trust your instincts
Just go for it
Aim for the eyestalk!
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
Rodeohead is a work of genius
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Bowed harmonics sound weird
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
Life isnt like the movies
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
Don't drink and dial
If you don't ask, you don't get
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
Choose life - Choose PHP
Phone your mum
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
Listen first, then play
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
Some people can lick their elbows
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
When bouncers grab you, go limp
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
Invest in good quality leads
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
Take a spare - You never know
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.