Guide to life
Bowed harmonics sound weird
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
Happy endings are a myth
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
Don't drink and dial
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
New strings make all the difference
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
Be nice to sound engineers
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
You are not what you wear
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
Invest in good quality leads
Aim for the eyestalk!
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
So many drummers, so little time
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
Some people can lick their elbows
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
Befriend the bar staff
Why? Why not?!
Take a book
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
Trust your instincts
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Just go for it
Take a spare - You never know
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
Listen first, then play
Phone your mum
Gaffa tape is brilliant
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
Save the cheerleader - save the world
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
When bouncers grab you, go limp
If you don't ask, you don't get
Measure twice, cut once
Put your CDs back in their boxes
Choose life - Choose PHP
Life isnt like the movies
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
Hook your lead through your strap
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
If it sounds right, it is right
Two wheels good four wheels bad
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
Rodeohead is a work of genius
Don't eat silica gel
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.