Guide to life
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Befriend the bar staff
Take a book
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
Trust your instincts
Why? Why not?!
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
Save the cheerleader - save the world
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
So many drummers, so little time
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
If you don't ask, you don't get
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
Bowed harmonics sound weird
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
Hook your lead through your strap
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Invest in good quality leads
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
You are not what you wear
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
Life isnt like the movies
Measure twice, cut once
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
Put your CDs back in their boxes
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
Choose life - Choose PHP
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
Gaffa tape is brilliant
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
Don't eat silica gel
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
When bouncers grab you, go limp
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
If it sounds right, it is right
Aim for the eyestalk!
Listen first, then play
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
Just go for it
Happy endings are a myth
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
Take a spare - You never know
New strings make all the difference
Some people can lick their elbows
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
Two wheels good four wheels bad
Don't drink and dial
Be nice to sound engineers
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
Rodeohead is a work of genius
Phone your mum
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.