Guide to life
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Happy endings are a myth
Measure twice, cut once
Befriend the bar staff
If it sounds right, it is right
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
Just go for it
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
You are not what you wear
Phone your mum
Aim for the eyestalk!
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
Hook your lead through your strap
Put your CDs back in their boxes
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
Take a spare - You never know
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
Gaffa tape is brilliant
Some people can lick their elbows
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
If you don't ask, you don't get
Save the cheerleader - save the world
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
Don't eat silica gel
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
Rodeohead is a work of genius
New strings make all the difference
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
When bouncers grab you, go limp
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Be nice to sound engineers
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
Take a book
Why? Why not?!
Invest in good quality leads
Listen first, then play
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
Bowed harmonics sound weird
Life isnt like the movies
Trust your instincts
So many drummers, so little time
Don't drink and dial
Choose life - Choose PHP
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
Two wheels good four wheels bad
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.