Guide to life
Put your CDs back in their boxes
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
Don't eat silica gel
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
Measure twice, cut once
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
Why? Why not?!
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
Rodeohead is a work of genius
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
Listen first, then play
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
Two wheels good four wheels bad
Invest in good quality leads
Befriend the bar staff
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
Aim for the eyestalk!
Choose life - Choose PHP
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
Don't drink and dial
You are not what you wear
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
Some people can lick their elbows
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
Be nice to sound engineers
Take a spare - You never know
Life isnt like the movies
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
Take a book
Gaffa tape is brilliant
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
Trust your instincts
Phone your mum
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Just go for it
Hook your lead through your strap
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
Save the cheerleader - save the world
If it sounds right, it is right
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
When bouncers grab you, go limp
If you don't ask, you don't get
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
So many drummers, so little time
Happy endings are a myth
New strings make all the difference
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
Bowed harmonics sound weird
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.