Guide to life
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
Take a book
Life isnt like the movies
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Trust your instincts
Don't eat silica gel
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
Save the cheerleader - save the world
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
Happy endings are a myth
Why? Why not?!
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
Phone your mum
Befriend the bar staff
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
Be nice to sound engineers
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
Gaffa tape is brilliant
Bowed harmonics sound weird
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
Don't drink and dial
You are not what you wear
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Choose life - Choose PHP
New strings make all the difference
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
Listen first, then play
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
Measure twice, cut once
Hook your lead through your strap
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
Some people can lick their elbows
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
If you don't ask, you don't get
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
When bouncers grab you, go limp
Take a spare - You never know
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
If it sounds right, it is right
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
Just go for it
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
Two wheels good four wheels bad
Rodeohead is a work of genius
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
Aim for the eyestalk!
Put your CDs back in their boxes
Invest in good quality leads
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
So many drummers, so little time
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.