Guide to life
Don't eat silica gel
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
Put your CDs back in their boxes
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
Invest in good quality leads
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
Trust your instincts
You are not what you wear
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
If you don't ask, you don't get
Measure twice, cut once
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
Phone your mum
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
Happy endings are a myth
Save the cheerleader - save the world
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Befriend the bar staff
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
Choose life - Choose PHP
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
Why? Why not?!
So many drummers, so little time
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
When bouncers grab you, go limp
Two wheels good four wheels bad
Some people can lick their elbows
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
Gaffa tape is brilliant
Be nice to sound engineers
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Bowed harmonics sound weird
Don't drink and dial
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
Rodeohead is a work of genius
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
New strings make all the difference
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
If it sounds right, it is right
Aim for the eyestalk!
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
Take a book
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
Just go for it
Life isnt like the movies
Hook your lead through your strap
Take a spare - You never know
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
Listen first, then play
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.