Guide to life
Measure twice, cut once
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
If it sounds right, it is right
Two wheels good four wheels bad
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
Hook your lead through your strap
Listen first, then play
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
Trust your instincts
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
So many drummers, so little time
Phone your mum
Don't eat silica gel
Take a spare - You never know
Aim for the eyestalk!
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
Just go for it
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
Be nice to sound engineers
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
When bouncers grab you, go limp
Invest in good quality leads
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
Life isnt like the movies
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
If you don't ask, you don't get
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Befriend the bar staff
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
Gaffa tape is brilliant
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
Choose life - Choose PHP
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
Save the cheerleader - save the world
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
Happy endings are a myth
New strings make all the difference
Rodeohead is a work of genius
Bowed harmonics sound weird
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
Why? Why not?!
Some people can lick their elbows
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
Take a book
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
Put your CDs back in their boxes
Don't drink and dial
You are not what you wear
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.