Guide to life
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
Invest in good quality leads
Trust your instincts
Life isnt like the movies
Save the cheerleader - save the world
Put your CDs back in their boxes
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
If it sounds right, it is right
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
If you don't ask, you don't get
Just go for it
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
Listen first, then play
Measure twice, cut once
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
So many drummers, so little time
Don't drink and dial
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Phone your mum
You are not what you wear
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
Aim for the eyestalk!
Gaffa tape is brilliant
Some people can lick their elbows
Why? Why not?!
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Choose life - Choose PHP
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
Bowed harmonics sound weird
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
Take a spare - You never know
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
Happy endings are a myth
Befriend the bar staff
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
Don't eat silica gel
Rodeohead is a work of genius
Hook your lead through your strap
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
Two wheels good four wheels bad
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
When bouncers grab you, go limp
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
Take a book
Be nice to sound engineers
New strings make all the difference
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.