Guide to life
Be nice to sound engineers
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
Invest in good quality leads
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Hook your lead through your strap
Save the cheerleader - save the world
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Choose life - Choose PHP
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
Just go for it
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
Trust your instincts
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
Two wheels good four wheels bad
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
Befriend the bar staff
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
Bowed harmonics sound weird
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
Life isnt like the movies
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
Take a book
Aim for the eyestalk!
So many drummers, so little time
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
Take a spare - You never know
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
Gaffa tape is brilliant
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
Don't drink and dial
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
New strings make all the difference
Some people can lick their elbows
When bouncers grab you, go limp
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
Happy endings are a myth
Listen first, then play
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
Don't eat silica gel
If it sounds right, it is right
Put your CDs back in their boxes
Why? Why not?!
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
Measure twice, cut once
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
Rodeohead is a work of genius
If you don't ask, you don't get
Phone your mum
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
You are not what you wear
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.