Guide to life
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
Trust your instincts
Don't eat silica gel
Listen first, then play
Aim for the eyestalk!
Be nice to sound engineers
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
Life isnt like the movies
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
You are not what you wear
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
Two wheels good four wheels bad
Don't drink and dial
If you don't ask, you don't get
Some people can lick their elbows
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
When bouncers grab you, go limp
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
New strings make all the difference
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
Phone your mum
Befriend the bar staff
Happy endings are a myth
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
So many drummers, so little time
Choose life - Choose PHP
Take a book
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
Take a spare - You never know
Just go for it
Hook your lead through your strap
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
If it sounds right, it is right
Measure twice, cut once
Invest in good quality leads
Bowed harmonics sound weird
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
Rodeohead is a work of genius
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
Gaffa tape is brilliant
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
Why? Why not?!
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
Put your CDs back in their boxes
Save the cheerleader - save the world
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.