Guide to life
If you don't ask, you don't get
So many drummers, so little time
Take a spare - You never know
Just go for it
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
Take a book
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
Bowed harmonics sound weird
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
Happy endings are a myth
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
You are not what you wear
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Save the cheerleader - save the world
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
Measure twice, cut once
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
Some people can lick their elbows
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
Don't drink and dial
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
Befriend the bar staff
Choose life - Choose PHP
Two wheels good four wheels bad
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
Why? Why not?!
Listen first, then play
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
If it sounds right, it is right
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
Be nice to sound engineers
Aim for the eyestalk!
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
New strings make all the difference
Don't eat silica gel
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
When bouncers grab you, go limp
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
Invest in good quality leads
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
Rodeohead is a work of genius
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
Trust your instincts
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
Hook your lead through your strap
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Gaffa tape is brilliant
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
Phone your mum
Put your CDs back in their boxes
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
Life isnt like the movies
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.