Guide to life
Invest in good quality leads
Trust your instincts
Some people can lick their elbows
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
Why? Why not?!
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
If it sounds right, it is right
Take a book
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
New strings make all the difference
So many drummers, so little time
Choose life - Choose PHP
Rodeohead is a work of genius
Life isnt like the movies
Just go for it
Happy endings are a myth
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
Save the cheerleader - save the world
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
Don't drink and dial
Aim for the eyestalk!
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
Hook your lead through your strap
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
Listen first, then play
You are not what you wear
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Don't eat silica gel
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
When bouncers grab you, go limp
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
Two wheels good four wheels bad
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
Bowed harmonics sound weird
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
Gaffa tape is brilliant
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Be nice to sound engineers
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
Befriend the bar staff
Phone your mum
Measure twice, cut once
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
Take a spare - You never know
If you don't ask, you don't get
Put your CDs back in their boxes
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.