Guide to life
Befriend the bar staff
Gaffa tape is brilliant
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
Phone your mum
Put your CDs back in their boxes
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
Why? Why not?!
New strings make all the difference
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
Two wheels good four wheels bad
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
You are not what you wear
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
Life isnt like the movies
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
Don't eat silica gel
Bowed harmonics sound weird
If it sounds right, it is right
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
Invest in good quality leads
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
Be nice to sound engineers
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Trust your instincts
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
Happy endings are a myth
Take a book
Take a spare - You never know
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
Some people can lick their elbows
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
Measure twice, cut once
Don't drink and dial
Rodeohead is a work of genius
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
Choose life - Choose PHP
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
Save the cheerleader - save the world
So many drummers, so little time
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
Aim for the eyestalk!
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
If you don't ask, you don't get
When bouncers grab you, go limp
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
Just go for it
Listen first, then play
Hook your lead through your strap
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.