Guide to life

Save the cheerleader - save the world

New strings make all the difference

Turn the amps off first, then the desk

If it sounds right, it is right

If you can't afford it, you can't have it

Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.

When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards

If you don't ask, you don't get

Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever

Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases

Happy endings are a myth

Don't drink and dial

A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume

Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue

If you can walk you can dance

If you can talk you can sing

Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds

Measure twice, cut once

Bowed harmonics sound weird

Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount

If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on

It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.

Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass

Be nice to sound engineers

So many drummers, so little time

Invest in good quality leads

Don't eat silica gel

A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful

Trust your instincts

Two wheels good four wheels bad

Get a good drummer. Then listen to them

Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass

Except possibly a Stick

Why? Why not?!

If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them

Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G

Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)

Rodeohead is a work of genius

If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go

Put your CDs back in their boxes

The Bass. Capital T Capital B

The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant

Some people can lick their elbows

Bad things happen when good people do nothing

Take a book

When bouncers grab you, go limp

Take a spare - You never know

Life isnt like the movies

Hook your lead through your strap

If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them

If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong

Phone your mum

You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it

Befriend the bar staff

Aim for the eyestalk!

Gaffa tape is brilliant

Just go for it

You are not what you wear

Everything's bigger in the Bass department

A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever

Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar

If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got

The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear

Choose life - Choose PHP

Turn the desk on first, then the amps

Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking

Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.

If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher

Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100

Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage

Listen first, then play

A good luthier is worth their weight in gold

There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.