Guide to life
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
Choose life - Choose PHP
So many drummers, so little time
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
Hook your lead through your strap
Rodeohead is a work of genius
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
Happy endings are a myth
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
Bowed harmonics sound weird
Why? Why not?!
Just go for it
Listen first, then play
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
If you don't ask, you don't get
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
Invest in good quality leads
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
Take a spare - You never know
New strings make all the difference
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
Put your CDs back in their boxes
Don't drink and dial
If it sounds right, it is right
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
Be nice to sound engineers
Some people can lick their elbows
Trust your instincts
When bouncers grab you, go limp
Phone your mum
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
Life isnt like the movies
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
Take a book
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
Befriend the bar staff
Aim for the eyestalk!
You are not what you wear
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Two wheels good four wheels bad
Save the cheerleader - save the world
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
Gaffa tape is brilliant
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
Don't eat silica gel
Measure twice, cut once
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.