Guide to life
Invest in good quality leads
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
Why? Why not?!
New strings make all the difference
Take a book
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
Don't eat silica gel
Happy endings are a myth
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
Be nice to sound engineers
Take a spare - You never know
Measure twice, cut once
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
Bowed harmonics sound weird
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
Two wheels good four wheels bad
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
Some people can lick their elbows
Rodeohead is a work of genius
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
When bouncers grab you, go limp
If it sounds right, it is right
Life isnt like the movies
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
Don't drink and dial
Save the cheerleader - save the world
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
So many drummers, so little time
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
Just go for it
Hook your lead through your strap
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
You are not what you wear
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
If you don't ask, you don't get
Aim for the eyestalk!
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
Gaffa tape is brilliant
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Choose life - Choose PHP
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
Put your CDs back in their boxes
Phone your mum
Listen first, then play
Trust your instincts
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Befriend the bar staff
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.