Guide to life
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
Listen first, then play
Don't drink and dial
If you don't ask, you don't get
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
Happy endings are a myth
Save the cheerleader - save the world
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
Rodeohead is a work of genius
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
Put your CDs back in their boxes
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
If it sounds right, it is right
So many drummers, so little time
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
Hook your lead through your strap
Be nice to sound engineers
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
Two wheels good four wheels bad
Befriend the bar staff
Don't eat silica gel
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
Some people can lick their elbows
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Aim for the eyestalk!
You are not what you wear
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
When bouncers grab you, go limp
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
Life isnt like the movies
Trust your instincts
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
Invest in good quality leads
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
Choose life - Choose PHP
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
Phone your mum
Gaffa tape is brilliant
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
Measure twice, cut once
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
Take a spare - You never know
New strings make all the difference
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
Why? Why not?!
Just go for it
Take a book
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
Bowed harmonics sound weird
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.