Guide to life
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
Don't eat silica gel
You are not what you wear
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
Rodeohead is a work of genius
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
Save the cheerleader - save the world
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
Why? Why not?!
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
Some people can lick their elbows
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Happy endings are a myth
Phone your mum
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
Measure twice, cut once
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
Bowed harmonics sound weird
Don't drink and dial
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
Two wheels good four wheels bad
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
Listen first, then play
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
Aim for the eyestalk!
Just go for it
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
If it sounds right, it is right
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
Be nice to sound engineers
When bouncers grab you, go limp
If you don't ask, you don't get
Put your CDs back in their boxes
Life isnt like the movies
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
Choose life - Choose PHP
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
So many drummers, so little time
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
Gaffa tape is brilliant
Take a book
Befriend the bar staff
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
Take a spare - You never know
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
New strings make all the difference
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
Invest in good quality leads
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
Trust your instincts
Hook your lead through your strap
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.