Guide to life
Don't eat silica gel
Don't drink and dial
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
Befriend the bar staff
New strings make all the difference
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
Invest in good quality leads
Gaffa tape is brilliant
Happy endings are a myth
Choose life - Choose PHP
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
Hook your lead through your strap
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Rodeohead is a work of genius
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Save the cheerleader - save the world
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
Put your CDs back in their boxes
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
If you don't ask, you don't get
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
Listen first, then play
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
Bowed harmonics sound weird
Measure twice, cut once
You are not what you wear
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
Take a spare - You never know
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
Aim for the eyestalk!
So many drummers, so little time
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
Just go for it
Life isnt like the movies
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
When bouncers grab you, go limp
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
Be nice to sound engineers
If it sounds right, it is right
Take a book
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
Some people can lick their elbows
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Why? Why not?!
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
Two wheels good four wheels bad
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
Phone your mum
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
Trust your instincts
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.