Guide to life
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
Aim for the eyestalk!
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
If you don't ask, you don't get
Choose life - Choose PHP
Two wheels good four wheels bad
New strings make all the difference
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
When bouncers grab you, go limp
Put your CDs back in their boxes
Some people can lick their elbows
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
Save the cheerleader - save the world
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
Don't eat silica gel
You are not what you wear
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
Take a spare - You never know
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
Gaffa tape is brilliant
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
Life isnt like the movies
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
Rodeohead is a work of genius
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
Befriend the bar staff
Trust your instincts
Be nice to sound engineers
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
If it sounds right, it is right
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
Invest in good quality leads
Happy endings are a myth
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
Don't drink and dial
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Take a book
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
Hook your lead through your strap
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
Measure twice, cut once
Why? Why not?!
Bowed harmonics sound weird
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
Just go for it
So many drummers, so little time
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
Listen first, then play
Phone your mum
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.