Guide to life
Gaffa tape is brilliant
Phone your mum
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
Hook your lead through your strap
You are not what you wear
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
Just go for it
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Be nice to sound engineers
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
Aim for the eyestalk!
Bowed harmonics sound weird
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
Rodeohead is a work of genius
Don't drink and dial
Happy endings are a myth
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
Don't eat silica gel
Listen first, then play
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Two wheels good four wheels bad
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
Life isnt like the movies
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
Save the cheerleader - save the world
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
If you don't ask, you don't get
Some people can lick their elbows
Put your CDs back in their boxes
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
Befriend the bar staff
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
If it sounds right, it is right
Measure twice, cut once
New strings make all the difference
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
Take a book
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
Invest in good quality leads
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
Choose life - Choose PHP
Why? Why not?!
Trust your instincts
When bouncers grab you, go limp
Take a spare - You never know
So many drummers, so little time
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.