Guide to life
When bouncers grab you, go limp
Happy endings are a myth
Put your CDs back in their boxes
Just go for it
Be nice to sound engineers
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
Measure twice, cut once
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
Trust your instincts
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
Don't eat silica gel
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
Life isnt like the movies
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
If you don't ask, you don't get
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
Aim for the eyestalk!
Two wheels good four wheels bad
If it sounds right, it is right
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
Choose life - Choose PHP
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
Take a spare - You never know
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
Don't drink and dial
Save the cheerleader - save the world
Take a book
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
Bowed harmonics sound weird
Befriend the bar staff
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
Phone your mum
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
Rodeohead is a work of genius
You are not what you wear
So many drummers, so little time
Why? Why not?!
Gaffa tape is brilliant
Hook your lead through your strap
Listen first, then play
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
Some people can lick their elbows
New strings make all the difference
Invest in good quality leads
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.