Guide to life
Happy endings are a myth
Two wheels good four wheels bad
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
Don't eat silica gel
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
Choose life - Choose PHP
New strings make all the difference
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
Why? Why not?!
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
So many drummers, so little time
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
Befriend the bar staff
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
Life isnt like the movies
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
Bowed harmonics sound weird
Measure twice, cut once
Don't drink and dial
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
Aim for the eyestalk!
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
When bouncers grab you, go limp
Just go for it
Be nice to sound engineers
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
Some people can lick their elbows
Rodeohead is a work of genius
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
Save the cheerleader - save the world
Listen first, then play
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
Gaffa tape is brilliant
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
Take a book
If you don't ask, you don't get
Take a spare - You never know
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
Put your CDs back in their boxes
Phone your mum
If it sounds right, it is right
You are not what you wear
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
Trust your instincts
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
Hook your lead through your strap
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
Invest in good quality leads
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.